Thanks for listening to the HBR IdeaCast. MOSHE COHEN: Well, I think you have a better shot at doing that than predicting other people’s reactions. So, what’s the story that you’re telling yourself? I think so. Or, do you say OK. Here’s kind of a Machiavellian question which is, is it in your interest to help people through their emotions? They got the nice office. Only problem is that for many people, once their emotions are triggered they can’t do that. But the problem is that avoidance is extremely costly. MOSHE COHEN: Right. And that’s why you’re having the emotional reaction. Summary of Emotions in Negotiation By Robert S. Adler, Benson Rosen, and Elliot M. Silverstein This Article Summary written by: Conflict Research Consortium Staff Citation: "Emotions in Negotiation: How to Manage Fear and Anger," Robert S. Adler, Benson Rosen, and Elliot M. Silverstein, Negotiation Journal, 14:2 (April 1998), pp. Emotional Control. Negative outlook towards the negotiation process: Your attitude during the negotiation-hostile or cooperative-decides the tone for the negotiation. Body language and emotions: As you progress through a negotiation, observe the alliance that a displayed emotion has with one’s body language. So, you think back to that moment when you didn’t ask for that one thing or when you didn’t hold the line and you try to figure out why. One way in which emotions impact negotiations is how we feel right at the start, … Assess the other negotiator to determine what might cause him to become emotionally unglued, too. 221 subscribers 1. And that, to control your emotions is in a way trying to control your own narrative. I think being emotional is natural. Negotiation need not be confrontational. CURT NICKISCH: Because probably your savvy corporate customer knows that you’re at the end of the quarter and they want to make this deal happen now too because they think it’s probably going to be a better deal than if they wait a few days to do it. 326. You know what triggers the other person. CURT NICKISCH: You said something at the beginning of this interview where you said we all have our own, we know ourselves. And I think my boss is the powerful one. Some people get rapid heartbeat. So, as natural as that is, if we can use that opportunity to turn that into a learning moment where we can say, OK, hopefully this negotiation that went poorly or didn’t go as well as I wanted is not my last negotiation ever and let’s see what lessons I can draw from that for the next one. Yes, we can leave our emotions at the door and talk about financial ramifications and living situation and all that, but without taking into account the emotional, the emotional context of that conversation, you’re not really having the real conversation about it. Sitting still when you’re having a difficult conversation can make the emotions build up rather than dissipate. Step 1: Prepare – The first step in the negotiation process is to ensure that everyone is ready the actual negotiation. You don’t know how to go from there. Step 2: Identify your … What emotional preparation did I not do that I wished I’d done? Because if you don’t know what your story is then you become a victim of your story. Spend some time reflecting on negotiations that were not as successful as they might have been because emotions and egos got in the way. So, then you didn’t even bring it up. This is a time when you take a moment to define and truly understand the terms and conditions of the exchange and the nature of the conflict. Seek to uncover whether the emotion is real or contrived. The first thing I would say is don’t think of their emotions as a bad thing. CURT NICKISCH: What’s an example of a trigger? If you’d rather listen to this tip, click here: Control Emotions To Negotiate Successfully. Now, a really nice way to do that is instead of saying, hey dude, you’re looking a little stressed out there. Our page on Emotional Intelligence explains why it is important to understand your emotions and those of others.. Different people have different stress symptoms and you need to know what happens to you under stress. This also relates to the management of emotions that may occur. Most of the existing negotiation research on affect in negotiation has focused on emotional experience rather than on emotional expression. But instead they condition us around a particular part of that context. I think that’s impossible to make them go away. If you’re negotiating with someone that you will never see again and provoking an emotional reaction in them and helping them make it worse, so they make bad decisions, that can gain you short term competitive advantage in a negotiation. MOSHE COHEN: Oh yeah. CURT NICKISCH: Yeah, car dealer where you would like them to make a bad decision at a time when they’re emotional and not thinking. And then write down those lessons and that’s part of your preparation for next time. Mindfulness is the first step. I encourage my students to keep journals of their negotiations. It’s very self-fulfilling. Regardless of the way you react to emotions during a negotiation, if you’re aware of the role they play and adjust to them accordingly, you’ll have greater control of the negotiation and in the process be more successful … and everything will be right with the world. I think, so I think the dangerous situation is when what they do is triggering to you and what you do is triggering to them. Your degree of success will be determined by how well you’ve estimated his reactions. Negative emotions can also result from being turned off by the other party, feeling bad about the development of the negotiation process and the progress being made, or disliking the results. We know that we’re supposed to find out the other person’s interest and come up with options that work for both parties. MOSHE COHEN: So, I think one of the interesting things about being humans is that we think in stories. Every day negotiation practice proves that a negotiation overwhelmed with emotions, lead parties to positional bargaining [9] . Navigating the business world is about conflict and risk and reward, and those are fraught with emotions for everyone involved. Are emotions one of the big reasons why? Ignoring such emotions is likely to harm the negotiation process, not help it. Look at those notes before you go to do it again. How do you even know how you’re going to feel when something goes someway that you don’t know that it’s going to go? And people are unpredictable. THE BASICS. By seeing the situation for what it is, not letting your emotions get in the way. 2. You should know yourself better than you know other people. CURT NICKISCH: Sort of like when you’re playing chess and you have, oh this is how my opponent’s going to respond. Cohen explains how to understand your triggers and use your emotions and those of your counterparts to your advantage. CURT NICKISCH: Getting up, pounding on the desk, leaving the room. What interests of theirs aren’t being met? And you’ve done your research on the company, you’ve gone on various websites and looked at comparable positions and then you go into the meeting with your boss and you broach the subject and the first thing your boss tells you is, that’s actually not possible at this time. You push too far, you might damage a relationship. I think people have emotions. Your own story of yourself and who you are and what you’re looking for. STAY CALM AND CONFIDENT DESPITE THE HEAT: How to take control of your emotions during a negotiation? 4. I mean one of the interesting things about negotiations is that you’re always negotiating with people. Prepare: Negotiation preparation is easy to ignore, but it’s a vital first stage of the negotiating … Anger, for example, is one of the most destructive emotions during negotiation—often causing deal making to break down as each side sacrifices its needs in order to save face. Right. Now, like anything else when it comes to emotions, learning to master your stories starts with understanding what your stories are. You’re right, most people aren’t attuned to their emotions, which can cause them additional challenges at times. Throws you off and creates an emotional reaction. And I think that’s the key thing to think about is what can I learn from this? Fisher and Shapiro demonstrate not only how negative emotions can impede integrative negotiations, but also how positive emotions can enhance the negotiation process, pointing out that emotions play a role in all negotiation. The moment I become emotionally overloaded, my ability to listen to the other person goes way down. I need to make a quick phone call. Noting the Trump lesson that emotion can defeat content, a successful negotiator carefully considers the impact of the other party’s (generally unstated) emotional needs on their decision-making as well as their more fact-based stated needs. We’ve been ourselves for a long time and we all have our own stories of who we are and that that engenders, frames a lot of the emotions that we have. Negotiation is a dialogue between two or more people or parties intended to reach a beneficial outcome over one or more issues where a conflict exists with respect to at least one of these issues. Something that’s a decision that’s in your favor. What should I do differently? CURT NICKISCH: Because negotiations are conversations with people and people aren’t predictable. This is often a contentious and frustrating situation but allowing emotions … And I think it’s very natural for us to replay that in our minds and then beat ourselves up with it. Whatever the reaction, is you know you’re entering in a situation that is emotionally fraught, get help. Even when an emotion is genuine, you don’t have to give credence to it. Strong emotions during a business negotiation can lead to deadlock. Negotiation is defined as a discussion among individuals where everyone contributes equally to reach to a conclusion benefiting all. A lot of the terminology of negotiations isn’t around emotions, right? By doing so, the perpetrator will have doubt cast upon his actions, which in turn will give him cause to reflect upon whether his ploy is being met with success. 326. The following is negotiation advice drawn from a case study of conflict resolution and management: To guard against acting irrationally or in ways that can harm you, authors of Beyond Reason: Using Emotions As You Negotiate Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro advise you to take your emotional temperature during a negotiation. We know what our interests are. It’s hard to know how things are going to go. If you are say upset and spouting off, sit there, let you spout off for a while. CURT NICKISCH: Yeah, how do you get to that place where you can handle those emotional triggers? Validate emotions: Whenever you incur an emotion, validate its purpose. The purpose of negotiation is needs-satisfaction and emotional needs are a vital part of the negotiation process. I as the manager now need to help you manage that emotional reaction. So, the first thing is to take some perspective, but you can’t take perspective if you’re panicky. Also during negotiation avoid personal behavior which makes it appear like you are working solely for the purpose of getting a deal out of the other party. On the one hand, use positive emotions when you want to: Send a message to the other party that you want to include them in the process Affirm or reaffirm the social bond between you and … I can stay silent, let you process things, let you talk things out. I’m a great listener, so long as I’m not in emotional distress. A while back, we asked for your feedback on the show. I can then ask open ended questions and listen and help draw out the interests that are causing this emotional reaction. If the other negotiator’s emotions are not aligned with his body language, you may consider pointing out this observation. Because emotions are the things that stop you I think from being as effective using what you have. Your breathing changes. There’s what happens to you and then there’s your experience of what happens to you. They’re trembling. MOSHE COHEN: Secondly, if you’re entering a situation that you know is going to be challenging for you and by the way anxiety is not the only emotion. BATNA the term has nothing to do with emotions. Why don’t you take a break, which might be offensive to the other person. I just make another offer or — you express them conversation might make you angry and cause you to how! The end of the negotiation process leaving the room greater sense of how you ve! 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